


Banzai Babysitters

by Little_King



Category: Epithet Erased (Cartoon)
Genre: Banzai Babysitters AU ( Original ), Bless them all for encouraging me to do this, Disaster roommates, This spurred from a rp I did on twitter that me and my friends planned out, gio and the blasters all live in an apartment together, house fire, smoke inhalation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:01:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23034409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_King/pseuds/Little_King
Summary: Some great things have horrible beginnings.. and this is one of them.
Comments: 17
Kudos: 103





	1. PROLOGUE

Yelling. Distant yelling. Familiar voices.. It all happened frequently. Molly tossed and turned in her cot, soft hiccups starting, soon developing into loud wailing. She hates loud noises, especially ones from the few people she knew in her 7 months of living..

It wasn’t long before she heard steps, getting closer and closer. She looked over in curiosity to see another familiar face. Still upset, Molly continued to let out cries of panic and sadness, until soft hands picked her up and cradled her in their arms. Her mom.. Minerva.

She began to softly rock the small Blyndeff from side to side, a quiet hush escaping her mouth. Her moves to Molly were somberific, gently taming her cries of panic as they gradually transformed to small whines of sadness, and then to nothing.

The mother smiled as she calmed the small baby, then began to hum a soft tune. From soothing high notes to smooth deep notes, her simple music reached Molly’s ears as she began to relax further, eventually into a state of tiredness. The yelling in the background seemed so distant and non-existent as she felt her eyelids slowly closing..

But before that state of euphoria could reach her, another loud noise followed.

Crash.

_ Scream. _

Minerva’s head suddenly snapped to the door in shock. The sudden noise caused Molly to jolt, a cry of fear escaping her. Minerva cast a concerned glance at Molly, seeing she was wide awake and upset again. With clear hesitance, Minerva set the baby back down into the cot before quickly rushing off out of the room.

She recognized her mom’s voice before it became a distant mumble, merging with the two others. She continued to wail in fear, oblivious to the situation.

Yelling.

Distant yelling.

And the temperature getting warmer..


	2. Robbery gone.. right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The great GIOVANNI POTAGE is on his way back to his apartment when an uncommon event takes place nearby.. a house fire. He goes to investigate, and returns to his minions (roommates) with.. a rather large surprise.

A young man would be making his way down one of the many streets in Sweet Jazz City. A drink in his hand, Giovanni walked with lax as he made his way back to his apartment. The boys were most likely already there and waiting for him.

He glanced around his surroundings. A crepuscular light spread over the city, bringing a hushed calm over the environment.. The evening time had always been a favorite for Giovanni. Everything always seemed so lively, in a sense it showed how real and mysterious it was... The cityscape was a jumble of shapes that he was familiar with at this point, so it wasn’t his first time on the streets, after all.

That's why it would surprise him to hear distant sirens grow louder as they came closer, a sudden flash of red zooming past him with enough speed to make his coat flap and hair flutter from the gust of wind.

A fire truck.

The siren blared, his attention drawn to it as his eyes followed the vehicle, watching as it turned a corner. Curiosity peaked as he brought the straw of his drink away from his mouth before beginning to rush down the street, following after the fire truck, since he was heading in that direction anyway.

As soon as he turned the corner, he could see the scene up ahead. A blazing fire in one of the buildings. Thankfully not the apartment he was staying in with the others, but.. It was still worth checking out.

Quite the amount of people were gathered around the area. Giovanni subtly pushed his way through the crowd to get a better look, stopping when no one stood in his view and when he didn’t want to get too close to the building LITERALLY on fire.

Around the area would be multiple vehicles, an ambulance, some fire trucks, even police cars made themselves present. There seemed to be two people sitting inside an ambulance with blankets around them.. Maybe victims of the fire?

He finally turned his attention to the building. It looked half collapsed, blackened and whoof- the smell was horrid. The typical burnt smell, clouds of black smoke pluming from what used to be a lovely civilian’s home.. Eugh.

It seemed parts of the building were still on fire, people using the hoses of the firetrucks as well as the inscribed using their liquid-based epithets to quell the flames.

Hm.. there could be some things to steal from the building! Items that the family wouldn't even bother coming back for.. The PERFECT plan.. Giovanni grinned to himself at the thought, even a small chuckle escaping him. Oh yeah, he’s SO evil and VILLAINOUS..

..Better get that stuff before it’s aflame, though.

Giovanni skulked closer to the building, keeping close to the wall of the neighboring building to keep as far away from the smoke and flames as he could. He then crouched down to set his drink down on the ground before getting up again.

He crept closer and closer.. before.. poof.

He used one of his AWESOME epithet powers - TELEPORT. With an incredible speed, he channeled the power of his soupy epithet to run and leap into an open window in the house, slipping inside.

Ahah! Flawless! Of course- would you expect any less from the great GIOVANNI POTAGE! His thoughts of victory were cut short by a cough of his own.. It seemed he managed to slip inside a room that’s flames weren’t out yet. It blocked the only exit- and entrance to the room..

Something light fell on his head, it felt like.. Sand or something? He put a hand up to shield his eyes as he looked upwards to see what it was.

There were multiple cracks in the ceiling, spreading all across it like a lightning strike. And ashes were sprinkling down from them. As if on-schedule, a loud crack sounded from the ceiling, followed by a part of the ceiling shifting, and-

‘’ FUCK- ‘’

-Inevitably falling.

Giovanni’s eyes widened as it came down so quick, bringing a shit ton of dust, smoke and ashes along with it. He brought his fist to his mouth, using the other to wave smoke and dust away, responding in a fit of coughing.

Another rough cough sounded in the room. Except.. It wasn’t him this time. Following the cough, a choked out cry sounded. He quickly turned to see-

..a crib. He rushed over to it, placing his hands on the side to look in. Not to his surprise from the obvious signs, a small baby was laying in there..

How had no one found and saved this one yet? Their crying sounded very hoarse and choked. Another cough escaped himself, followed by a few more. Giovanni brought a fist up to his mouth, coughing into it before raising his head to look around the room.

Now taking in his surroundings better, he could instantly tell this was a baby’s room. His attention was drawn towards the flames by the door once more. It was spreading closer, and fast.

Smoke was beginning to fill the room faster, more coughs and hacks escaping Gio the longer he stood in it, the same being said for the small baby. The open window was about all the air the two could get..

He may have come into the house in search of valuables in the form of objects, but.. Even if he was a villain, a life comes before treasure.

Giovanni leaned forward into the crib, reaching his hands in to scoop the baby up into his arms securely as another soft coughing left him. It broke his heart to watch the small baby struggle for air.. She was covered in ashes, too.

He held the baby close to his body, soon rushing to the window to climb out manually. He would’ve used his epithet, but.. He was pretty unpracticed when it came to using his it with others, so taking the risk wasn’t an option for him.

One step at a time, he eventually climbed out of the window. Thankfully, the room was on the bottom floor, so he could easily hop down and back away from the window, getting that blissful fresh air into their lungs.

The small baby softly cried and coughed in his arms, clearly upset.. The sound made his heart ache the longer he listened to it.. Keeping his back towards the window, he gently started to rock the baby in his arms.

'' Uh- Hey! It's- it's alright, I'm here for ya- ''

He started to shush her softly. He’s.. far from an expert with babies, never really had any experience with them past visual hints he got from movies and people around him in his life.

As he did this, small thoughts started to swirl around in his mind, questions.. The situation was perplexing.

This baby.. Why was she just left inside the house? Shouldn’t the fire brigade have busted in looking for a missing baby? The family surely reported a missing child.. Right?

. . .

His attempt to try and calm the little ash covered baby, failed. She was already upset about having to struggle for air, and being handled by a stranger was only making things worse..

However.. Her tears were starting to dry up, and her cries were now just whines of discomfort. So in some way, he did succeed in getting her to stop crying! Part of him wasn't surprised that he didn't soothe her effectively,, he isn't a parent, obviously. Hell, he was far from it. He was only 19, for heck’s sake!

As he looked over and shushed her softly, he then noticed a small name inscribed on the cloth the baby was wrapped in..

'' ..Molly? Huh.. is that your name? ''

He was relieved to hear her getting quieter, cradling her in his arms as questions continued running through his mind..

This baby obviously didn't belong to him.. And it might look.. Weird, if he just walked up to the firefighters and said, ‘Hey! I was going to rob this building, but found a baby instead, so you should have her back!’

Hm... OH! A metaphorical lightbulb just appeared above his head!

He'll just take Molly back to his apartment and the others! Surely, seven brains combined is better than one!

He used his epithet to teleport once again, just outside the crowd. He gently bobbed Molly in his arm, then crouching down to grab his drink that he left on the ground from before- what person in the right mind would abandon a perfectly good beverage?

He then began quickly making his way back to the apartment, which thankfully wasn't too far from where he just was.

Time passes and he finally arrives at the apartment. He puts the drink between his legs (since he doesn't have any free hands) and reached into his pocket to take out his keys to the apartment, putting them into the lock and turning it.

He pocketed his keys again, opening the door and then taking his beverage back into his hand. Using a knee to open the door, he walked inside.

'' I, the great GIOVANNI POTAGE, have returned! ''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tysm for reading this!! I don't know if I'll do more,, it depends on the feedback really and I mainly wanted to write this both for myself and my friends!! We all had a blast making this au and shitposting about it,,,
> 
> If you want to see more do consider leaving a kudos and we'll see what happens ^^;


	3. Regrouping with The Boys™️

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being unsure of what to do with his current situation, Giovanni makes his way back to his apartment and calls an urgent group meeting with The Boys™️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to mention!! All of this really wouldn't be possible without @KingHermitCrab on twitter!! She really helps finalize everything and has drawn fanart of the AU!!
> 
> Go check out her twitter 🔫 [ https://twitter.com/KingHermitCrab ]

Giovanni kneed the door open as he walked into the apartment, since with the baby in hand, and his drink in the other, one dare not risk such sacrifice of either! Who would let a good liquid refreshment go to waste?

The first one to notice would be Spike, who was very graciously (not graciously) sprawled out on the couch watching TV, followed by Dark Star’s head swerving from his position on the ground, to also look at Giovanni.

From a simple glance, spike spoke up first.

‘’ Hey boss! How was- ‘’

She cut herself off as soon as she processed what she was looking at. Giovanni simply shut the door behind himself with his foot, sipping at his almost-empty drink. She quickly turned her attention to the moving bundle in his arms, then at Giovanni, then at the baby- then back at Gio.

‘’ Uh,, Whatcha got there, boss..? "

Giovanni paused. He looked down at the things in his arms, before looking back up at Spike and responding.

'' A smoothie. ''

Siiiip. Sii- WAIT.

'' OH. Right- yes, that. ''

Spike then decided to speak up again, a hint of concern in her voice.

‘’ Is that ash- or something- on you?? ‘’

She could see some kind of black substance on Giovanni’s shoulders, even some in his hair.

He paused momentarily to cough into his arm (the one holding his smoothie, of course), then trying to think of how to phrase.. All of _this_ without it sounding too overwhelming to everyone- will, everyone wasn’t here yet, so...

'' Ah, it’s nothing- Uh- let's call a group meeting on it. Do- do you know how to take care of a baby at all?? ''

Spike contemplated the question for a moment before she sat up and leaped off of the couch towards Giovanni. Taking a quick glance at the baby in his hands, she rose a fist to her mouth, contemplating everything about the situation. She began to mutter. 

" Definitely not newborn.. They've got a full head of hair.. Probably more than 9 months old? Um… "

She kept a look of confusion and shock on her face as she turned her head around to see.. A wild Ben, who was no-so-subtly peeking out from the kitchen area, wanting to see what all the commotion was.

She glanced down to her sibling, Dark Star, who met her gaze with a confused and maybe even slightly panicked expression. She snapped her head back to Ben.

" HEY, BEN, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF A BABY?! "

Ben flinched back slightly at her sudden shout, followed by Molly, who began to let out small, hoarse hiccups again. Giovanni drew in a short gasp, along with Dark Star, then Ben. Spike just mumbled a tiny ‘whoops,-’ under her breath.

Panicking, Gio downed the last of his smoothie until that familiar crackling sound of emptiness was heard. He proceeded to swiftly toss it into the bin in the corner of the room. ( Nice Shot! )

Using both arms this time, he attempted to rock the child. He’s.. actually never done this before. After a moment, he realized it wasn’t being very effective. Apparently when a baby freaks out, EVERYONE freaks out, too.

Giovanni let out a small whine of distress before speaking up- but not too loud.

'' Okay so.. babies drink milk, right? We could try that! Uh- Spike, could you hold her for a moment? ''

Spike nodded, carefully (and maybe a little ungraciously) taking Molly into her arms.

Giovanni then used his free hands to brush some ash off his shoulders. Almost as if on-cue, a small cough escaped him, followed by a few more, which got some concerned glances from the Blasters.

‘’ Boss, are y- ‘’

Dark Star began, before Ben suddenly jut into the conversation as Spike made a small movement towards the kitchen, probably going to get milk.

‘’ Wait- but how old is she?? She might not be able to drink that kind of milk!! ‘’

Spike paused, her face showing a sign of slight surprise. She looked down at the baby in her arms, who still looked quite distressed..

As all this commotion was going on, the door opening sounded, interrupting them. Crusher had finally returned from going back to pick up a few groceries, holding three bags in his hands when he had opened the door.

‘’ Hey , guys , I'm ba- ‘’

He immediately noticed the little one Spike was holding. He carefully set his bags down by the door and shut it behind him.

‘’ Who.. is this ? ‘’

He smiled softly, slowly approaching with the calmness of a gentle giant.. Quite literally, since he’s the tallest of everyone there. His smile then gradually faded as he looked over the baby, noticing the sprinkles of ash around her.

‘’ And why... is she covered in ash..? ‘’

It’s concerning how long it actually took any of them to realize Molly was covered in ash.. Giovanni glanced to Spike, then the ash-covered baby, and let his gaze lazily drift off with a quiet, unsure ‘uhh...’

He risked a glance over at Spike, but as they made eye contact, her own gaze drifted away with an expression of nervousness settling in. Ben- well, he was confused from the get-go.

None of them could really.. answer. Crusher grew mildly nervous himself, piping up.

‘’ ..Why am I feeling a sense of drea- ‘’

Before he could finish his sentence, Spike jumped in and turned her attention to Ben.

‘’ Uh.. well- hell, like I know anything about baby age or whatever stuff they drink.. Ben, here- ‘’

She just straight up went to hand the baby to Ben, and Ben, seeing the action already in motion didn’t want to rudely deny, so he took her in his arms. You could even say he looked just as distressed as the baby!

Spike spoke up once again, crossing her arms after handing the baby over to ben.

‘’ You seem to know more about babies that I do! ‘

Ben opened his mouth, about to retort, but the realization hit him that yeah, he probably does considering it didn’t seem to be.. In Spike’s general interests/knowledge.

She’d kill him if he said that out loud, and he KNOWS it.  
 _But bold of you to assume that would hold his tongue.._

‘’ Well duh, unlike YOU, I actually have skill. ‘’

Spike squinted at him in slight anger before retorting back.

‘’ Yeah? You’re only good with babies because you ARE one!! ‘’

Crusher suddenly piped in, slightly panicked himself as he tried to shush them calmly.

‘’ Guys- the baby’s already upset- ‘’

‘’ Yeah, _Spike_ ‘’

‘’ BEN, I _SWEA_ \- ‘’

‘’ SHH!! Look- I’ll take her, okay? ‘’

Crusher quickly made his way towards Ben, bringing his hands to Molly. He easily slipped the small kid into his arms, beginning to gently rock and shush her to calm her down..

Well. This is a mess! Molly was getting more upset by the second... Giovanni could feel a slight pain aching in his head.. It’s been like that for a while but only now is it starting to irritate him.

Dark Star just remained sitting on the ground against the couch, glancing up at the commotion every now and again.

Giovanni sighed, bringing a hand to his temple to rub it slightly. These guys can definitely be dysfunctional sometimes.. But he’s no exception really.

Giovanni was about to speak up again when yet another person made themselves present. Flamethrower peaked around the corner of the small hallway that led to their bedrooms. He had that slightly tired and kinda annoyed expression on his face.

‘’ I am _trying_ to lis- wait. What's happening here. ‘’

He appeared to have headphones hanging around his neck, faint music playing from them still. He paused to. Take in what he was looking at. He stepped out and crossed his arms, inhaling.

‘’ Why. Is there a _baby_. ‘’

Instead of an outburst of congregated answers from everyone, as if on-cue, they all looked directly at Giovanni.

Noticing this, his face went from a subtle relaxed expression to an ‘oh fuck’.

‘’ Uh- I’ll explain once _everyone_ is here.. A BLASTER MEETING! ..so where’s Car Crash? ‘’

Dark Star, who was silently staying in his own bubble by the couch, finally decided to pipe up to answer.

‘’ Oh! He’s out right now, probably driving somewhere! ‘’

He let out a light laugh, oh how ironic it was, but that’s Car Crash for ya!

Giovanni nodded in response, swerving his head around to look at all the Blasters crowded in the room.

‘’ Alright, someone call him and tell him to drive back here ASAP!

‘’ -without crashing of course. ‘’

That last comment at least got a few amused responses. Dark Star decided to whip out his own phone and dial up Car Crash, beginning to speak to him once he picked up. Crusher continued to gently soothe the baby as much as he could.. The warmth of his embrace was at least helping her to calm down.. Having the baby calm was at least letting everyone else calm.

While all of this ensued, everyone began some idle chatter amongst themselves to fill the void, everyone waiting for the explanation as to.. why the Boss brought a baby home. 

Spike decided to wander back to the couch and sit down on it. Crusher wandered over to join her, but before he could even attempt to sit, Spike lay back over the entire couch with a snicker and grabbed the remote.

Good to see everyone’s getting along!

Crusher sighed and decided to lean back against the wall instead, still gently holding the little one in his arms. Flamethrower took the same route and leaned his shoulder against the wall, bringing his hands up to put his headphones on again. Might as well wait until Car Crash returns at this point.

Ben decided to walk over to Crusher and the baby, starting up a conversation. From what Giovanni could hear, it was about food? Maybe food for the kid.. That’d make sense.

Dark Star continued to chat with Car Crash, even Spike joining in the conversation a little herself. Being bored of the current channel, she started to flick through the vast amounts of damn channels.. None of them looked too appealing.

She finally landed on a certain channel- the news channel. There appeared to be some sort of ‘breaking news’, where the live footage on screen showed a large residential building. It looked burnt. Fire was still coming out of it as well..

Spike grinned and turned her attention to Flamethrower, speaking up.

‘’ Yo, Flame! I found your channel! ‘’

She snickered a bit, her announcement grabbing the attention of the others as they also chuckled a bit. Even Flamethrower chuckled a little as he saw what she was talking about.

Giovanni was quietly zoning out himself, lost in thought. Thankfully no one realized, or else they would have immediately realized something was wrong. He glanced over at the channel when Spike made the joke, his eyes widening as he recognised the building. Once the joke was over, Spike switched the channel again. Giovanni butted in quickly.

‘’ Wait-! Change the channel back! ‘’

The slight panicked expression certainly got a concerned look from the others. Spike complied and changed the channel back to the one they were just on, the news.. She turned the volume up a bit as everyone hushed to a silence to listen.

‘’ **-ficials say that only two people have been injured, with one death caused by a fire in one of the residential buildings on Shellfire street.**

**Firefighters are still working to extinguish the flames of the two-story building.**

**No other residents have been found nor reported in the home, an-** ‘’

Giovanni very suddenly interjected.

‘’ NO OTHER RESIDENTS?! ‘’

His sudden raised, and slightly hoarse voice certainly got the attention- and confusion -of everyone. Crusher furrowed his brows in concern as he looked over at Giovanni, speaking up.

‘’ I-.. Boss, do you know this family?? ‘’

Giovanni opened his mouth to respond before he heard a handle turning. He, as well as everyone else, turned their attention to the door as it opened. Car Crash had just opened the door, breathing heavily as if he had just been running.

He froze at the door and met the gazes of everyone else who.. Looked shocked?? He rose a brow in serious confusion himself.

‘’ Uh- did I miss something?? ‘’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad people really like this fic!! It's definitely been fun to write so far and I still got a few ideas for chapters in the future if this still gets attention!
> 
> The one true motivator for finishing this chapter up was that one comment that said ' Fam I must have more pls ', like damn can't argue with that 😔


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